My Second Week

Here's where I need to silence the self defeating voice in my head. I lost 2.6 pounds this week. Excellent right? I had set my goal for between the 3-4 pound mark and am a little dissapointed that I didn't make it. Though, that disappointment is less than it would have been in the past and here's why:

I learned a lot this week. At least for me, it's not enough to just cut the number of calories I'm eating. The types of food I eat have a big impact on my results. Last week I included more fruits and veggies and had more protein based than carbed based breakfasts. This week, I stayed in points but went heavy on carbs. I know I lose less weight when I do that, and it showed this week. It also gave me severe heartburn. I love carbs, but they are hard on my body and slow my weight loss. Unless I eat good carbs balanced with protein, healthy fats and veggies.

I think I slacked a bit on my water intake too. I generally don't drink anything other than water or tea, but this week I didn't drink as much water in between meals to keep myself as hydrated. I know from the past, when I stop drinking the water my weight loss tends to slow.

Timing was another issue. Last week I ate more balanced meals throughout the day. Breakfast, lunch and dinner...all were eaten pretty close to regular meal times, with a snack between each meal. This week I got into the hoarding mentality, so that I could have my bigger carb treat for dinner or dessert. What I did was skimp on my points throughout the days, so that I wasn't eating regular meals or snacks, and end up with an abundance of points in the evening. The funny part is that I usualy ended up with more points than I needed, so a couple of days I didn't even use all my points. That's not good either. Not eating enough can slow your weight loss progress as well.

Last big issue was exercising. Last week I walked for a mere 10 minutes on most days. This week I didn't walk at all. My body is very responsive to exercise (at least it has been in the past) so I feel that my lack of even just that 10 minute walk made a difference. This week I commit myself to walking again.

So on one hand I was dissapointed because I felt like if I had done the things I knew I should have been doing, I could have hit that 3-4 pound mark. Yet, on the other hand, this whole thing is a learning experience. I am becoming aware of what works for me and what will impede my success. Plus, I needed carbs this week, so if I have to take a slower weight loss and feed my need so that I can stay the course, well how can I really be disappointed in that? I am pleased with my results, and I know what I can work on now for next week.

My First Weigh In

So this morning was the moment of thruth: my first weigh in! I knew I had lost weight because I could feel it. My personal goal was to hit the 5 pound mark. Given my WW history I have always had a big loss the first week (though I'm guessing about half of that is really water weight). The receptionist who weighed me did a double take when she looked at the reading, but didn't tell me what the number was. I assumed by her reaction that it was a good one, but I almost fell over when she told me that I was down 6 pounds!!! Crazy! I lost 6 pounds my first week!

The trend is that I'll still lose a little extra the second week but not as much as the first. I'm not sure if setting my second week goal to be 4 is too high. It would be nice to have a 10 pound head start under my belt after only two weeks, that will have erased the damage I did to myself the past couple months. So this week I am shooting for 4 pounds. After that my goal will be the suggested 2 per week.

My First Few Days

I've made it through four and a half days already even though I didn't have a full menu planned out and my kitchen fully stocked like I originally intended. I'm the kind of person who throws in the towel the minute things don't go as planned so that was a big deal for me.

The first day was a little rough. I was hungry and still just wanted something to chew, crunch or whatever. I got past it though. I didn't want to screw up my first day. Those urges got less and less the next couple days. I still feel uncomfortable in those times when I would eat to calm myself or just to feel better, but at least I could recognize those times for what they are and hopefully learn better ways to handle them. My ability to stay in points so far is boosting my confidence.

All the food I've prepared for myself has been delicious thus far(I have a TON of WW cookbooks to help with recipes and ideas). The tactic that has proven to be most useful though, is forcing myself to eat slowly. Taking small bites and throughly chewing, putting my food (or fork) down between bites to drink or talk to my family, that's what's been helping me to feel less deprived during and after meals. My impulse is to shove as much stuff into my mouth as I can, and so by forcing myself to eat slowly I am eating less and giving my body time to feel full.

I also got over another perfectionist issue this week. In the past I would be meticulous about weighing and measuring so that I can calculate exact point values. When I'm home and have the luxury of my food scale and measuring cups that's not so much an issue. When I go out though I would have to estimate not only how much of what I ate, but what I thought an appropriate point value would be. This issue has led to my demise in the past. If I can't be exact I can't deal with counting. I was able to resonably estimate a meal and still feel like I was being true to the program. That was a huge victory.

So I am happy so far with my progress, but I can see how this is a battle that needs to be taken one day at a time. Or rather one meal at a time!

My Weight Watchers Journey

I decided it was time to bite the bullet and seek some professional help!

I knew that I would eventually go back to Weight Watchers one day, but I needed to wait until I was mentally ready to commit to it again. My faith is strong in the program itself. Any time I have followed it in the past, the weight melted off my body rather readily. It teaches you how to eat real food in real life situations. It promotes healthy natural foods (although they do offer prepared foods for those who like that route) and activity. They even address the mental and emotional roadblocks that derail us from our success and how to stay positive.

All common sense things right. I know I should know how to do that all on my own, but there's something about the support of the other people in the meetings, and the motivation the leader provides (if you find a good meeting group which I believe I did!) and the accountability of having someone else measure my progress (I have a hard time keeping myself honest) that makes it all worth it for me.

Part of me is nervous. I am a WW veteran, having tried the program numerous times throughout my life. As I said the program itself is something I can really stand behind, it's myself that I'm less sure of. The last time I did the program was when I started almost 2 years ago. I lost 25 pounds then fell off the wagon (pretty hard I might add). I lasted only 3 months.

That was the time I joined with my mother. She kept going even after I stopped. In a little over a year's time, she lost over 120 pounds and hit her goal. She is now a lifetime memeber, still going to meetings and still keeping the weight off. Like me she had done WW numerous times throughout her life with a certain level of success each time before fizzling out. I want this to be the time where I can make it click for me and keep going the way she did. The last time I tried, I was so determined that time would be my success story. This time I want it to be, but I have the fear that it will end like all the other times did. It's disturbing me that I'm going into this with my self confidence so low, though I suppose it's good that I'm at least doing something.

My Next Decision

My success came to a screeching halt this week. There's been a family issue that unexpectedly took up a lot of my time, however at this point even I know that that's just an excuse. I could have squeezed in a 20 minute walk if it were on my priority list, and yet I have not even 1 sticker on my chart this week. I am infamous for self sabotaging.

Even if I had been getting stickers though, my eating is still very out of control. I managed to eat breakfast everyday, but I'm still binging in the afternoons and evenings. So even though I've worked out more in the past two weeks than I have in the past few months, I still gained weight. Gosh I must have gained 10 pounds in the last month alone.

So after weeks of soul searching and trying a gentle approach, I realize I need more structre if I am going to have any kind of success. I decided that I'm ready to once again join Weight Watchers. The plan works for me. Whenever I follow it I lose weight and I feel that I am determined enough now to follow through with it. I am starting to see that watching what I eat is not a punishment for being fat. I am at a point where I want to stop abusing myself with food, and learn how to nuture myself and start feeling good. I think I am ready for that.

My meetings wouldn't start until next week, so I will be trying to mentally prepare until then. I intend to clear out the garbage from my house and stock it with WW friendly foods and snacks (I am very familiar with the plan, being a WW veteran and all). I will continue to keep a sticker chart for my workout progress, as moving is essential to the WW program.

So, I had another huge set back. But in this learning curve of life I've taken the lesson from it I think I needed to and will hopefully let it propell me onto a better path.

My Doctor's Visit

I so wish Zach Braff was my doctor!

My yearly physical was yesterday. Everything seems to be in good order (pending my bloodwork comes back alright). Of course the doctor had to pull out those wonderful weight charts. I felt like a kid who was about to get scolded for eating candy before dinner.

The kicker of the whole thing was that I found out that I am indeed NOT 5 foot 2 inches. No, I am only 5 foot 1 inch which makes my BMI even higher than I thought and just enough to push me into the obese category. Freaking WONDERFUL!

I have to say that this doctor was very gentle in how she brought up and discussed the topic with me. That's one reason I prefer to see a woman doctor. They kind of get it a little more. She was probably a few years older than me and has kids herself. Even though she is thin, she still kind of knows what it's like. Not like some male doctors who have no idea what my day to day life is all about or what it feels like to be a hormonal, hungry woman. She spoke to me gently and respectfully and so I will keep her as my primary care physician even though she is no Dr. JD Dorian!

She would like for me to aim to get back down to the low 140's to start, which is where I was before I got pregnant. I almost made it back down to that point last year when I was doing Weight Watchers (WW). I know she's right, I need to really watch myself now as I get older and already am at an increased risk for certain illnesses. I guess it was good too, kind of gave me some motivation to keep going (even though I really just started!)

She talked to me about binge eating a little bit. Something I am very guitly of when I am dieting. When I watch what I eat I can do well for certain periods of time, but then fall off the wagon and fall HARD. She suggested instead of denying myself certain foods to allow myself smaller portions of things I want so I don't feel deprived. I've tried that though. When I do it that way, the food addict in me comes out and that small portion is not enough. I start to crave more of whatever I had. I think I'm better off completely cutting some things out. So I don't know, I'll have to find the right balance on my own.

I do need to get on top of the exercise though. So far I've gotten my walking in everyday, but I know I am going to have to do more soon if I really want to get in shape.

My Goals

My weight at the beginning of this venture was a whopping 160.2 pounds (and I am only 5'2, ACK!). I'm only 3 days into my journey, but decided to weigh in just to see if I've made any progress. According to my scale I am down 3 pounds. That was a pleasant surprise, YAY ME!

I did it by walking, drinking lots of water and trying to watch my portions. I'm proud of my progress, but it was a very hard 3 days. Last night I wanted cake. REALLY badly. Normally sweets aren't my thing, but last night I had such a strong craving. Luckily we didn't have anything in the house and my husband was home so I didn't want to sneak out on a food run (I actually do that sometimes, it's really terrible). Anyway, I did buy myself Cracker Jacks today though. They are sweet enough to satisfy my sugar craving without adding so many calories. I think I remember a bag being only about 2 points on Weight Watchers (WW). As long as it doesn't make me crave more I'm good!

So lets see, I think I should set some goals. Ultimately I would like to get back down to the 110-115 range. That's a long way off though! So my first goal would be to lose 10% of my current weight (stole that from WW as well!) which would be 16 pounds. Once I reach that, I will make a new "mini goal".