Hello, my name is Smushpants and I am a sugar addict!
If you ever want to read about how food affects your brain chemistry pick up the book Potatoes Not Prozac by Kathleen DesMaisons, Ph.D. You could also check out the Radiant Recovery link on my link list to find out about sugar addiction and what her program is all about.
Now on to my weekend. Saturday night I hung out with a good friend of mine from college. She had some other friends visiting which made for a nice little gathering. Good people, nice conversation and of course lots of snackable type things. You would have thought they put crack out on the plates though because I don't think I went more than 5 minutes without stuffing something in my mouth the whole 5 hours I was there.
The conversation at one point focued on food and one of the other guests said something along the lines of "Life is too short to not enjoy the things I like. I'd rather be happy and eat what I want than feel deprived and but live a longer life." Now I completely understand this philosophy, really I do. But it made me realize something about myself.
I am not like her or any "normal" person. I abuse myself with food. Yes I use it as comfort, but I am realizing that I also use it as a means of punishment. I am addicted, so having that one bite of my favorite pleasure is not going to satisfy my desire for it as it might for someone who doesn't have this problem. For me, it's going to make me crave more. More I will eat, but never will I feel satisified, though I will surely feel guilt, shame and physical discomfort (that's where the punishment aspect comes in to play). For me, allowing myself to have that treat is like telling an alcoholic it's okay to have 1 glass of beer or wine at the party because life is too short not to have fun.
Food for me is really a false pleasure anyway. The hours of bad emotions and belly aching I will endure for allowing myself to "have fun" will not be worth the 2 seconds of pleasure I felt when inhaling whatever it was that I was after. A normal person might view an all or nothing approach for certain foods as severe, but I know myself and realize that I am not like "normal" people. It's what I'm going to need to do if I want to make a real change in myself.
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