Body dysmorphia is something I've only associated with skinny people who see themselves as fat. I mean fat people know they're fat right?
The short answer to that might be yes, however I think a fair amount of overweight people (me included) tend to be in denial regarding just how much weight we've gained or exactally what we look like. I mean, raise your hand if you too are successful at avoiding mirrors! It's not until we are forced to look at ourselves in pictures (which a good many of us also try to avoid being in) that we seem to be shocked when we see what we really look like or how big we've really gotten. By the way, I developed those pics my friend took from My Turning Point post this week. They were hard to look at.
I've seen these cool virtual models on a number of people's blogs. I thought it would be fun to make one for myself. When I made my model according to my measurements I didn't think she looked fat enough. The model I have on my side bar is 9 pounds heavier then I really am....because that's what I think I really look like (and also because I mistook my actual weight). I'm pretty sure that after my pregnancies, my weight redistributed itself and so now it all sits in front of me as if I were still pregnant. Does that make me perceive myself as fatter than I really am? And if that's the case, why am I consistently shocked when I see how big I am when I look at myself in a picture??
The model at my goal though, well technically she's a little under where I think I would make my goal weight, doesn't look as thin as I think she should look. Now I was that weight once, back in HS, and of course I thought I was fat (crazy right!) Anyway it made me think about how morphed my view of thin is. We did a unit on fitness in health class that year and I measured 11% body fat. Yet I thought I was fat. A good part of that was do to the fact that I didn't have a completely flat belly like the other "skinny" girls. I always had a little curve, or pouch or whatever you want to call it and I thought it made me look fat. Little did I know how fat I would eventually get!
So obiviously I have a very dysmorphic view of my body whether I'm fat or skinny. No matter what weight I'm at, I still feel as though I'm looking at myself through one of those fun house mirrors.
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4 comments:
Hmmm...you too? LOL! I think this goes for a good percentage of us, huh? Your story is exactly mine. I have to say, my weight battle does leave me pretty isolated. I feel bad that I'm not really in any pics anymore, since the baby came...BUT I'm always the one taking them anyway. Go figure. LOL!
I hear ya sister! I took pictures the other day for my before and after and I was shocked to see how much of an "apple" I was. I thought I was more hourglass proportionate. I have to say, I did want to cry a little.
Thanks for this post. :)
I don't know if we'll ever see ourselves exactly as how others see us, but I think a good goal is to just see ourselves the way we want to.
When I was 30-40 lbs heavier, I definitely didn't think I was as heavy as I looked in some pictures. Sure I felt fat and knew I had to lose weight, but because I avoided mirrors as much as I could, I didn't always see what was really there.
I still have that same problem. Some days I'll think I look a lot heavier that I actually do. Others I'll think I look thinner. It's amazing how our mind truly affects what we see with our eyes. There have been times where I didn't change a pound, but because I was eating healthier or exercising more, I really thought I looked different.
That's why I think trying to improve our lives from the inside out is more important than the outside in. Once we're healthier mentally and emotionally, we'll start to see ourselves with more forgiving, accepting eyes.
Our brains sure are crazy, aren't they?